小寒著-《幸好我不是满分女生》

自从中学时期,虽然我在一所英校就读,但听的一律是 FM 93。3 醉心频道。所以我对”小寒”并不陌生。我知道她是个有名的作词家,但从不知道她长的什么样,也不晓得她是土生土长的新加坡人,年龄和我也不差很远。

这些是她的代表作品,一些歌该蛮熟悉的吧!

 

有一天,我带着女儿到城市书局去买书时,突然看见了”小寒”写的书。带去付钱时,店长微笑着说,”啊!这是新书!刚出的。”

”是啊?”,我边领着书,边领着另一份期待。

过去的十年里,我读的华文书寥寥无几,一只手便能数尽。直到今年,我买了尤今的《伤心的水》,读后感触很多。

我选择买这本书,大部分原因是因为很喜欢书名。新加坡追求满分的家长和学生多之又多,想逆水而游,是件难上加难的事。

因为每个人都这么做,那就代表它总没错,肯定是对的吗?我不以为然。

但我也一样,往往口不对心,唠叨孩子做功课,督促她温习。刻苦耐劳没有错,是个值得鼓舞的精神。但成千上万个家长的“努力”,是真的为了这个吗?

所以我特别喜欢小寒的这本书。她以幽默和感慨,指出追求满分通常是既不实际又费时。

虽然她自认很早就知道自己样貌上不是个满分女孩,但其实小寒长得蛮漂亮的。一看书后页的照片就看得出。在封面上,她明显的用了较不怡人的照片。

这是小寒的第四本书,好像是为女儿写的。

我很欣赏她的生活观和价值观。例如:

关于不要期盼做公主/不必靠男人:

小寒的幽默也无与伦比,如下:

每一个章节后,都有一首小寒写的歌。虽然我对它们不熟悉,但读起来好像在读诗篇。

 

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I thoroughly enjoyed this book, even though it took me a long time to complete, mainly because my speed of reading Chinese is akin to reading it aloud. 以上的文章也是呕心沥血地挤出来的。

Nonetheless, it was worth the effort. It is much like a book of advice on life to her only daughter, borne out of her humble background, struggles and successes.

Her pearls of wisdom accumulated over the years, dished out with irreverent humour, are very refreshing and counter-cultural in many ways. It was a breath of fresh air to me, to hear her perspectives, on the pursuit of excellence (满分),especially in the familiar context of being a fellow Singaporean mum with a daughter in primary school.

I share her perspectives in so many ways, and her ability to prevail with good sense amidst the unbalanced craziness of the average Singaporean kiasu parent.

I appreciated her confident assured tone in spelling out what she felt was the most important piece of advice to her daughter  in the whole book – how a mother should always put across to her child that she is much more than her role as a mother.

I think this is a known but often overlooked and under-emphasised point. When mothers become obsessed with their children (or their children’s success) to the point of losing their own personhood and becoming nothing more than their role as a mother (noble as it may sound), then it more often than not spells trouble for their children and other relationships, not to mention the long-term well-being of the woman herself.

For after the chicks fly the nest, which happens earlier than ever these days, what then for the woman who has focused on nothing else but them? And who more often than not, expects a debt of gratitude from her children that can be burdensome and hard to repay, in terms of matching up to expectations, since these expectations are likely to be proportionate to the sacrifice made.

I also appreciated the frank sharing of her personal journey through depression, her willingness to tell her story without fear of stigma. And how going through that helped her to realise what was truly important in life, and how depression can be very real and not unlikely, even for someone who outwardly looks like she ‘has it all’.

Married to a doctor and herself wielding a PhD in virology, with numerous awards as a lyricist, Xiao Han (aka Lin Kebang, as I finally found out after extensive sleuthing) still has both feet firmly on the ground.

I am so glad that she wrote this book, and employ her considerable influence in putting forth a counter-cultural point of view. I hope her worldview gains traction with more people, such that it injects a much-needed dose of sanity in our society, and that young girls reading this, will realise that they need not pursue the illusive and ultimately empty dream of being 100% perfect.

All in all, this was a splendidly enjoyable book, written by an intelligent, compassionate and thoughtful Singaporean, whose prose and cutting humour deftly reflect her gift as a lyricist.

  1 comment for “小寒著-《幸好我不是满分女生》

  1. pc
    September 26, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    I enjoy your sharing- one piece of good advice from two great mummies. 看来我不是又顺水又逆水而游的妈妈;)。

    p/s:暧昧和暖味也真的令我喷饭。

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